A Christmas Letter

Morning,

It’s been a little while since I posted so I thought I’d best put something together, perhaps a Christmas type of letter. 

But here’s some festive photos first and then if you want, you can continue reading an update into our life.

The wind is howling outside this morning and was yesterday too.  I honestly would take -12 and colder if there is no wind.  I know the Chinooks are great here in Alberta but I just don’t like the wind.

I have to go out today and finish the small stuff for Christmas.  It should be quieter if I go this morning, fingers crossed.  It’s hard keeping focused on what I need and what I want. 

The important thing is that we are together with our kids on Christmas and with a little addition to the family.  Little Milo is quite the little man.  I believe Crystal mentioned using a timer so that everyone spends quality time with him.  But that means changing diapers too if that’s your time J

I always want the house to look good and the table to look inviting, but it’s the conversation around the table and the laughs that are the things remembered most.  

Greg and I are still waiting for that surgery date.  Seems that my side is always on the slow side and Greg’s side is waiting for my side.  Because we have separate doctors and surgeons and he’s the recipient and I’m the donor, they don’t just chat every day to see how we are doing.  There are a lot of people just like us that they are caring for.  Anyways we have been given the month of January so we are still hoping this happens.  If not, February is good too.  But we know it is happening and that is both scary and exciting. Greg is pretty much nauseated every day with periods of vomiting.  I just can't imagine waking up every day to this.   He's also tired a lot and it doesn't take much to take the wind out of him.  Yesterday we did our recycling and when he had the truck loaded he was panting pretty good. He at least lets me do the shoveling.  Cold is another factor. He just can't get warm enough. But he is so determined and when I ask him how he's doing, he says "great" and two thumbs up.  Sort of ticks me off but I get it.  I know how he's doing but I have to ask.  

My dad will have his first Christmas with mom in the nursing home.  He’s stated that it is lonely many times but he’s getting more involved in the lodge playing bingo and helping with kitchen duties.  We are planning to go with the kids on the 24^th and see him and mom.  I think he’ll be very happy and probably cry.  We do these things because I know he is lonely and I don’t understand what it’s like to be in his shoes, I can only imagine visiting your spouse and then coming home to a lonely room and being ALONE.  It’s hard to say but I can’t travel that road for him.  I can only try to help. 

I haven’t done much of anything along the lines of furniture painting.  Truth be told I just cannot get excited about it at this time.  That’s why there hasn’t been anything to post along that line.  I still love gathering ideas and photos and one day, I’ll be back and crazy busy.

Have a wonderful Christmas with loved ones around you and give big hugs to everyone!!

Bonny

Journaling

entry NO. 1

I’m hearing whining . . . Meeka is up and needs to go outside.  I finally fell asleep and now I’m so groggy as I head to the kitchen to let puppy out.

I crawl back to bed wondering how Greg’s night was.  I think I should get up with a strong cup of coffee and begin my journal.  I begin to plan out the ‘table of contents’ in my brain.  How do you begin when it’s been so long and I have so much to put to paper.  I turn my phone on.  Oh a message from Greg  (J )

6: 31 am - “good morning, not sure if you’re awake yet . . . ’ “

7:10 am - I’m responding and wonder why aren’t you responding to MY response?”

Panic is on the edge of my brain.  I’m trying to begin to journal at 7 this morning after I got a text from Greg.  He hasn’t responded to my response yet so I continue to write (type) out my thoughts trying to be calm.  I’ve learnt that anything can be an alarm and anything can be a ‘nothing’ moment.  So I wait . . . and here I begin . . .

For approximately $1.95 plus tax I purchased a small book in a store in the hospital to begin noting the days that were spent in the Health Science Center hospital in Winnipeg.

To this day I haven’t opened the little book.  I don’t want to re-read all the information in there, all the emotions, all the ‘stuff’ that Greg had to go thru in the month of October.  Not yet.

7:50 a.m. - Finally a response back, “I went back to sleep”.

I continue now to write as my panic button is on hold for now.  I even called the nurses’ station. Could be they moved him to another room, could be he’s scheduled for more tests due to bad test results, so many reasons flood my mind.  I don’t have any calmness left in my system when I’m not in Greg’s room to actually see what’s happening.

So many memories of days past.  Now they come tumbling forward as I collect them here.  The lady who left her false teeth in a Kleenex box and now they’re gone, the drywaller who can’t breath, the farting (giggle), the call for nurses’ aids to help in room 9 (you know what that means), a ‘mercy bed’ and family in tears, the lady in the next curtained room and the noise never erased from your mind as she falls out of bed, the calls in the night “nurse nurse! ”, the codes over the intercom as nurses run, the blank eyes of other families gathering in the ICU lounge, and more personal yet is the crowded salmon-colored ward in A4-448, the tubes, the injections, the blood transfusions, the monitored breathing, the blankets piled high to keep him warm, the coughing, the physio guys who helped calm the coughing, the x-rays, the doctor jibberish (I’m right here-tell me!), and finally the calmness that came when moved from the ‘salmon-colored’ ward to ‘high observation’, the nurses’ smiles, the caring touch, the extra minute spent with us explaining, the laughs, the walks for coffee, more physio, talk of discharge, the chair they gave me to sleep on, the talks with the nurses (they really ARE the backbone of how your stay will be in the hospital).  I’ll probably talk more about these events and memories as I journal back.  But for now, I have to end this time and get ready to see Greg.  It’s Sunday and we’re finally in Alberta.  HOME! 

Is this what we had envisioned?  Silly, of course not, but it is the now and we shall be strong, stronger.  I’m looking to the future and hoping for all the good things in life.  Love, Health and Happiness. 

Journaling February

February’s Journal - What a cold winter for us here in Manitoba!  Yes this province is known for its cold winters and HOT summers but this is ridiculous now.  I absolutely love the summers here but not the winters.  My husband is the opposite but this year he said he was done with winter.  That means it’s a really bad winter.

 

We certainly did not do a lot of sledding this year.  Probably twice around our local area, which in the past years was fabulous. Basically we could sled out our back yard and into the field.  Then we could go to the Valley but first usually to town to gas up.  Boston Pizza was frequented as a stop for food in past years but not this year.  The memories of sledding have sure changed over the past 5 years.  At first a lot of couples sledded and we went across the border to a pub as a destination point and took weekend trips sledding together.  Since then it’s slowly dwindled out and changed.  We did take one weekend this month to go with a great couple and had a fantastic time, although the wind was still really cold when you weren’t sledding in the trees.  The lodge was great and we packed enough food for 12 people thinking we’d be up late and party.  At 10:15 we were looking pretty bleak but I don’t think anyone wanted to say it first.  Finally someone said something and we all chimed in and laughed at how young we wanted to feel yet our bones were saying something else.  THEN we had the joy of hearing the train go thru town.  Not just once, not twice but I think it was 8 times.  The trails were beautiful and we’d often stop to rest and visit.  If it wasn’t so cold we would have had a snack too but had to wait for a shelter cabin. 

 

 

 

That’s Greg in front and our friends in the back. If only the temperatures were a few degrees warmer, this would have been a good spot to stop and take in the view, maybe see a moose.

 

 

 

BIG Happy (Valentines) Birthday to our son Craig this year.  This year is special I believe because he is sharing his life and spending Valentines with the love of his life.  But before that happened it was a journey that he’d travelled for some long years.  As a parent you’d love to travel some of those roads for your kids but you can’t.  It’s a road only they can travel and become who they are.  It’s a road to becoming a man.  This road led him to being a respected man and loved deeply by the love in his life.  Managing his own HOT Yoga Studio has been “a dream come true”.  His passion for his job is seen everyday and it’s a full time job, not like the one I have where I can go home at 5.  Last September Craig married Luke!  We are so happy for them.  They are so great together and we are blessed to have Luke in our family and especially when he makes our son smile so much.  You’ll have to wait till September for pictures of their 1 yr anniversary.  Christmas Eve we were at the Calgary Zoo Lights and took photos.  It’s always a blast hanging out together with lots of laughs.

 

 

Crystal & Mick, our daughter and son-in-law, are on a journey that has come with much joy and much sorrow.  I’ve attached their blog HERE and it gives their story in their words.  This February 24^th marks the 2^nd year they officially were put on the Domestic Wait List.  I must say that I’ve learnt about the adoption process and it pains me to think about how much it has cost these kids just to get on the list, just to have their profile on file and ready to be looked at, hoping that a birth mom chooses them.  I’ve learnt too that I’m terrible at knowing the correct terminology when it comes to adoption and I’ m probably going to screw it up at some point if I haven’t already.  But these kids have grown and have matured beyond what I maybe could have handled.  I am so proud of them both and have seen their strength in their weakest moments and the honesty that came from their lips was unbelievable.  I know they will be fantastic parents when the time is right.  My daughter always signs her emails with this quote from the ‘Velveteen Rabbit’.  I think it’s very suiting.  And it would have to say it applies to our sons journey as well.  Maybe there is some lessons in it for me as well – to be real and let people see you real.

 

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

We didn’t travel to see my parents in February so I missed my dad’s 81^stbirthday. They are just loving life living in the Lodge and I told them because of that community, they receive great care and should be very thankful. I of course didn’t say that but they know they are in a wonderful place and I’m very thankful for this moment as their health says good, that they can stay right there and enjoy life!!

Greg’s dad past away 2 years ago.  So many hospital visits, so many hardships but we travelled a lot to Calgary to see them and I’m so glad we did.  Towards the end of our stay we had to make a decision if we were staying a few more days or going home.  The answer came before me were out of bed.  There are memories that I’d like to share but words don’t do them justice.  They are in my heart and maybe some day I will find the right words to relate just how I felt and the events surrounding that time. 

 

 

Back to our home in present time now.  It’s been cold as I’ve mentioned already.  After our weekend sledding this month, which so happened to be Louis Riel weekend, or as I like to call it, ‘Family Day’, we came home and spent the holiday Monday outside shovelling the driveway for 3 hours.  As the afternoon progressed we shed more layers.  See how much snow we have?  It’s getting too high to shovel over so we were shovelling to the center of the cul-de-sac.  What a lot of work! 

 

Even Meeka is putting on the pounds this winter.  He can stand about 5 minutes outside when he lifts his paws up and wants inside.  This morning I had to laugh but I felt so sorry for him as he did his morning routine but had a little trouble balancing when he had to lift paws randomly and try to get the job done.

 

 

Projects are coming.  I’ve designed a schedule to help me feel a bit relieved and organized.  I find myself jumping from one project or idea to another and getting nothing done.  My house number project took a nasty turn as soon as I put it outside in this fridgid weather.  The frame snapped in one corner.  I’m back to the drawing board on that one but waiting till it warms up to present my original idea WHICH I should have stuck with.

Well, this has to be posted today.  That is my rule.  Already noting events for March and Spring.  How great is that!

Have a great weekend!

Journaling for January - A Look at the end of 2013

 

Happy New YEAR! 

I’m thinking I can still say that. 

But when should you stop saying “Happy New Year!” ?

I was hoping to begin to blog more regular and had an idea to

enter ‘some’ kind of status on my Facebook page every day. 

We all have new year resolutions and now I’ve heard it

changed to 'new year GOALS'.

Well, it’s already Day 16 and I haven’t done either of my new year goals.

But this blog is certainly a start.

Here’s a look at the end of 2013 and a peek into 2014.

October

We moved my parents into a Lodge and today if you ask them,

they are happier than ever. 

Like two peas in a pod. 

That’s kind of what their little apartment is too, a little pod. 

Hey, maybe that’s what we’ll call it ~ the ‘parents pod’.

Take note of the boxes on the right.  They were 

labeled and as the day went on, there were 'added' items

in your box that you yourself did not put it.

That was part of the fun that day.  There was some fun for sure. 

 

Every child worries what to do when their parents can’t quite do the daily things on their own anymore, where shall we put them.  Sounds aweful actually.  My parents had no want or need to leave their home.  When we mentioned perhaps going to a nice Lodge, they dismissed it entirely.  UNTIL, mom fell and broke her wrist.  To go back a few months, it started when dad fell while repairing  the carpet on their deck.  He took a tumble and cut his forehead as well as the bridge on his nose from his glasses.  Mom laughs now when she recalls him laying their.  “What are you doing?”  Oh I can hear her saying that.  After mom got fixed up with a cast, dad had to do ALL the housework and meals.  He was doing a lot of it before because mom just has too many aches and pains in her arms.  I believe it was wearing on him a lot and the thoughts of moving were changing, they didn’t dismiss it anymore.  One evening I got a call from dad saying they had a meeting with the Lodge administrator and they could move as early as November 1^st.  Really, it was like October 1^st when he called me.  So a few weeks later we were on our way to Alberta to help move my parents into the Lodge in their home town.  Same town I met my husband and our kids grew up in.  Was I truly excited?  Maybe not excited but happy that this move was going to go smooth.  A little apprehensive?  Yes.  As I thought how things were changing.  All the memories in their home(s) in the past and gatherings of all kinds.  They were done and would take on a different feel.  We now meet at my sister’s home with her family and we’re so thankful for her big heart!  Some day it will be my turn.

 

 

November

As far as I can remember we were waiting for snow and starting to think about Christmas.  As usual it crept up slowly and I procrastinated again and Christmas décor  went up the first week of December.  Some year I will start mid November and plan for parties and gatherings before the middle of December.

December

Baking.   Butter Tarts and Carmel Popcorn and Florentine Bark. 

That’s pretty much all I did as our daughter has a table spread with goodies when we arrive at their home for Christmas too. 

Shovelling.  The snow finally came and the shovelling began.  We know when we have a lot when we can’t heap the snow any higher on the sides.  The cul-de-sac gets nasty with ruts, much like a lot of city roads, and getting anywhere is fun.

Shopping.  I usually love shopping but because we’re an hour out of Winnipeg, we don’t go often and truth be known, we don’t really like Winnipeg.  When we finally did go, it was brutally cold and leaving the car for more than 3 hours was taking a chance on it starting.  So a lot was done in our home town of Morden. 

Decorating.  Click here to see how our house looked this year.

Gatherings.  In the past, we always gathered at Mom & Dad’s home.   Didn’t matter where they actually ‘lived’ but the gathering place was there.  

 

 

One item is pretty significant to me still to this day.

The Coffee Table in the center of Mom & Dad’s living room. 

Always full of their treasures and mom’s latest gift or some ornament they bought. At Christmas, it was full of candy!

Now, all that’s left in their home is the outline of the Coffee Table in the carpet.

 

When I saw this imprint on the last day of moving their belongings, it hit me that this part of life and celebration is over and will never look the same again. I cherish those photos a lot and now look to new photos of new celebrations in a new place.

January

It’s a slow go but there’s lots of things on the horizon. First and most important is Family. I’m hoping for good surprises this year and lots of good family times. Me and my hubby will continue to plug thru the winter months in Manitoba in anticipation for some new ‘spring’ events. My projects are piling up in the basement. It’s a glorious site really. You know when you get excited about finishing your 9-5 job just to go home and do something you really love, that you’ve found what you should be doing 9-5. So that’s my goal this year – to do what I love 9-5. I’m ready for that to take whatever shape and form it does. On that note, I must get ready for work so I can get home and do what I love so that this perhaps can become the real thing.
PS - watch for the 'Coffee Table' in a future post in a new look.

Luke & Craig

 

WHAT a handsome couple!

 

 

On Sept 21^st, our son Craig married Luke

and we are so happy and

so blest to have Luke join our family.

What a fun day it was and before we knew it,

it was over and I wanted to do it all again. 

But that’s the way it always is.

I’m still waiting for the professional pictures because the ones I took did not turn out too great and I missed a lot of good shots.  I also was a little busy during the day to be concerned about taking my own pictures.

The wedding was small and intimate and very meaningful. 

There were a lot of tears shed and a lot of laughter too,

both added to the special day that is truly was.

The FUN BUS took us to a park where we took the photos and celebrated with Champagne.  A lot of people danced around the ‘pole’ on the bus, something I’m sure they never thought they’d do.  Me, I didn’t, but the hubby sure did and there’s a photo to prove it.

After a great reception and toasts we were off clubbing. 

By now, my feet hurt a lot but I didn’t care

because I didn't want that to take away from

the great time we were having. 

The next morning, we had a family brunch together.  

Then we took a drive to Banff and wondered around our

favourite sites ending the day with dinner.

I’m sad it’s over. 

Sometimes I wish we’d drag out our celebrations for 2-3 days. 

I think there’s something meaningful to celebrating a little longer.

I’m looking forward to the year(s) ahead,

one year at a time please,

as our family grows both in number and in love for each other.

 

The day of May 12th

This morning, this Mothers Day morning, I sat in the living room with the sun streaming in and sipped my Tim Hortons coffee that my husband got for me.  Slowly the tears started to run and I couldn’t stop them, I didn’t want them to stop.  I want to remember this time in our lives as bitter-sweet perhaps.  Of better things to come and memories created from just such a few short weeks ago.  I could blame my feelings on menopause and the hot/cold nights I spend trying to sleep but even so, it doesn’t matter because the feelings are still very much tender and I want to embrace this time as strange as that reads.

 As a mom today I was reflecting on my children and retrieved a ‘note’ we were forced to write when we were attending a Vineyard church years ago.  I didn’t know what to write so I wrote what was near to my heart.  Here is a very small exerpt from that. 

‘My heart aches for my children.  It hurts to see them going thru stuff.  I really pray that You’d bless them!’

I know they are blessed today with people in their lives who richly love them.  I take pride in my children and their spouses (and spouses-to-be). 

 

Now I shall continue with the day and rejoice in the good things.  My husband and dog are waiting for me so we can go outdoors and perhaps clean the fish pond and go for a walk. 

 

Till next time and other 'good things'.

 

September . . . .

  

…..what I remember MOST about September,
is that I turned 50. 

And the best present was the surprise I got when I saw my kids sitting on our deck when I came home from work on the Friday before my B-Day.  How my husband arranged it and kept it a secret was beyond me.  And to most this may not seem too awesome but our kids drove from Alberta to Manitoba, took days off work just to come celebrate with me.  THAT was very special to me. 

 

Here are some photos of the weekend.  

 

My son-in-laws Birthday was a day before mine so we went go-carting and spent a great day in The Forks in Winnipeg.  Here we are, left to right,  our son-in-law and our daughter, our sons' boyfriend next to our son, and then my hubby and I.  After this, we had lunch at the Forks and a boat ride.

 

Thanks to my hubby and my kids for an awesome September!