Journaling

entry NO. 1

I’m hearing whining . . . Meeka is up and needs to go outside.  I finally fell asleep and now I’m so groggy as I head to the kitchen to let puppy out.

I crawl back to bed wondering how Greg’s night was.  I think I should get up with a strong cup of coffee and begin my journal.  I begin to plan out the ‘table of contents’ in my brain.  How do you begin when it’s been so long and I have so much to put to paper.  I turn my phone on.  Oh a message from Greg  (J )

6: 31 am - “good morning, not sure if you’re awake yet . . . ’ “

7:10 am - I’m responding and wonder why aren’t you responding to MY response?”

Panic is on the edge of my brain.  I’m trying to begin to journal at 7 this morning after I got a text from Greg.  He hasn’t responded to my response yet so I continue to write (type) out my thoughts trying to be calm.  I’ve learnt that anything can be an alarm and anything can be a ‘nothing’ moment.  So I wait . . . and here I begin . . .

For approximately $1.95 plus tax I purchased a small book in a store in the hospital to begin noting the days that were spent in the Health Science Center hospital in Winnipeg.

To this day I haven’t opened the little book.  I don’t want to re-read all the information in there, all the emotions, all the ‘stuff’ that Greg had to go thru in the month of October.  Not yet.

7:50 a.m. - Finally a response back, “I went back to sleep”.

I continue now to write as my panic button is on hold for now.  I even called the nurses’ station. Could be they moved him to another room, could be he’s scheduled for more tests due to bad test results, so many reasons flood my mind.  I don’t have any calmness left in my system when I’m not in Greg’s room to actually see what’s happening.

So many memories of days past.  Now they come tumbling forward as I collect them here.  The lady who left her false teeth in a Kleenex box and now they’re gone, the drywaller who can’t breath, the farting (giggle), the call for nurses’ aids to help in room 9 (you know what that means), a ‘mercy bed’ and family in tears, the lady in the next curtained room and the noise never erased from your mind as she falls out of bed, the calls in the night “nurse nurse! ”, the codes over the intercom as nurses run, the blank eyes of other families gathering in the ICU lounge, and more personal yet is the crowded salmon-colored ward in A4-448, the tubes, the injections, the blood transfusions, the monitored breathing, the blankets piled high to keep him warm, the coughing, the physio guys who helped calm the coughing, the x-rays, the doctor jibberish (I’m right here-tell me!), and finally the calmness that came when moved from the ‘salmon-colored’ ward to ‘high observation’, the nurses’ smiles, the caring touch, the extra minute spent with us explaining, the laughs, the walks for coffee, more physio, talk of discharge, the chair they gave me to sleep on, the talks with the nurses (they really ARE the backbone of how your stay will be in the hospital).  I’ll probably talk more about these events and memories as I journal back.  But for now, I have to end this time and get ready to see Greg.  It’s Sunday and we’re finally in Alberta.  HOME! 

Is this what we had envisioned?  Silly, of course not, but it is the now and we shall be strong, stronger.  I’m looking to the future and hoping for all the good things in life.  Love, Health and Happiness. 

Journaling September

Sadness

 

Sometimes people find these beautiful fall leaves

that are perfect and the color is gorgeous. 

 

I have a few large piles of leaves that have blown together

and they lay on the deck or in the corners. 

I walk thru them everyday and here them crackle. 

 

But this leaf in particular caught my eye. 

 

It's not bright orange, or red or even a beautiful brown.

 

It's blah, but I find it simply beautiful.

 

SEPTEMBER went by in a blur. 

I had a birthday, yea.

We celebrated our 35th Anniversary, YEA!

 

But in the midst of all this, my husband fell ill to Pneumonia.

Ya, you're thinking . . . alot of people have had it.

 

But this was different.  Four weeks ago, it began with a cough. 

Thinking it was getting better, he left on a business trip to the States and Mexico.

 

When he got home a week later, a Friday night, he looked like a 90 yr. old man.

I said, "this is not right" and went to the hospital walk-in clinic the next day.

We were told he was dehydrated and should also take Aleve for the muscle pain. 

No blood work done.

 

Tuesday was still not looking any better so the doctor saw us and said, "you have a lung infection".  Ok, anti-viral drugs, x-rays, etc, etc.  Everything to make it better.

NOT.

 

X-ray results came back, we were called in again, it's Pneumonia. 

More drugs, another x-ray.

Still no blood work.

 

Results back again, we were called in again,

this time she says, "you're too sick to have Pneumonia".

WHAT!

 

Another x-ray and CT scan ordered and we were told,

"if you don't feel any better tomorrow, admit yourself".

Ok, that's exactly what we did on Friday, October 3rd. 

Blood work, FINALLY! 

White cell count way too high. Hello.

 

Hubby was admitted right away.  It's going to be a long journey till he is strong again and feeling 100%.  I'm writing this after returning from the hospital today. I feel so sad for him.  I can't make him comfortable, I can't take away the pain, I try to be silent and ask very little questions of him.  But I love him and that's all there needs to be.  So I sit quiet and I'm there when he needs me.  I'm so thankful for the excellent care he's been given,

the nurses are wonderful.

 

This was not how we planned the end of September to go and especially how we planned to get this move back to Alberta done.

Everything is on hold and our movers have been pushed back 1 week.  I'm hoping for an honest conversation with the doctor tomorrow as we proceed with life this week.

 

I'm discouraged and wonder why things happen the way they do sometimes.

I'm holding out for things to miraculously work out and they usually do but still, I can't help but wonder why it all had to happen when we were so excited to return home to family.

 

This too shall pass and soon we will look back at the seasons in our lives. 

 

Till OCTOBER and hopefully a new brighter journal entry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Journaling August

I know, I know, it's well past the end of August.  I've been busy but here it is. 

Better late than never.

   I thought I’d better start this journal for August, seeing that it’s raining or rather pouring out this morning and me and Meeka can’t head out for a walk.  Started last night.  We so need the rain but this weekend is our ‘Corn & Apple’ Festival.  It’ll be our last one to enjoy so I was hoping it would be hot and sunny.  Looks like rain throughout the festival.  Too bad, lots of work goes into these events but we’ll still go.  I remember one year sitting at the main concert event and it started to rain.  We braved it but most people had umbrellas.  We watched this elderly couple, so cute, as he opened the umbrella and they sat all huddled together.  Then the rain stopped and he removed the umbrella away and closed it, only to soak his poor wife.  She chuckled though.  Funny how some things you remember.  I don’t remember who was on stage.  THIS year, George Canyon is here.  Small yahoo from me.  It should be ok, just being there is fun in the atmosphere.

 

 

This is the first year we went to the Morden Corn & Apple Festival.

Look how young we were 7 years ago.

This is the main concert area where we heard George Canyon this year.

 

Here we are waiting in the rain for the parade this year.

We look a little older.  Should've got some 'warm-up' juice.

 

Well, to the beginning of this month, the move went really great.  Our movers showed up at 8 a.m.  Only 2 guys and they were done by 1:00.  Boy they sure know how to get it done!  Greg & I helped by bringing the boxes out from bedrooms otherwise we stayed out of the way.  That’s why I’m paying them the big bucks.  We’re 7 years older since we moved into that house and we did it ALL by ourselves.  It was also the same temperature then as it was for these guys so I know how hot they were.  Sweaty hot, not HOT HOT.  The owner himself was doing the move and he was saying how hard it was to get workers.  Most guys try it and then quit because it’s hard work and a lot of weekends.  I guess they just aren’t hungry enough.   

   Saying good-bye was hard.  Yes, there were tears from 4 eyes not just 2!

But we also cried leaving Calgary.  It’s our homes.  Where memories were created, happy or sad.  We remember where we were sitting, what we were doing, what the weather was like, when any news or event happened to our loved ones.  We all remember it a little different because we are different and things effect us different.  But now when we actually drive West from Morden, I’ll still be sad, not to leave this little house, although we’re still creating memories here that we’ll take with us, because this big little town has been great.  If you want a small town, I recommend Morden! 

Here are some photos of our little house we’re renting till October.

Since we had to downsize A LOT because we wanted the movers to take as much as possible, we became very creative in this situation.

 

   In the kitchen, I took 6 plates, 6 cups, 6 cereal bowls, 2 salad bowls, some Tupperware (not really Tupperware but the cheaper stuff) one set of cutlery, 2 pans, 1 pot, grill, and of course some baking and other essentials.  I find it quite like camping.  But want to know something?  I LOVE this little kitchen.  It really is very nice to work in a kitchen where I’m not putting on the miles to get from the fridge to the pantry to the stove.  Gosh sakes, I would be happy with a small organized kitchen like this but a BIG island to prep with stools and big bright windows to gaze into the back yard and have coffee Saturday morning while reading the paper (who does that?) or your kobo I guess.  Would love that!!

   This little kitchen table we bought is so adorable!  It goes so great with this old kitchen.  We first intended to use another table that I had finished but after realizing it would get wrecked, we were off to the thrift store.  It was middle of the week so this beauty was waiting for me!  Greg didn’t even roll his eyes as I dashed off to the far side of the store when spotting it.  For $30 it was a steal.  I so love it and some day I MAY touch it up or I might just leave it in its original way. 

Our bedroom is another story.  We picked the larger one but still would never have gotten even 1 dresser in it.  So, we have these 2 cute storage shelves.  They came in handy here for baskets of undies, socks and smelly stuff.  Pretty much all our clothes are here as you see and then in the 4’ closet.  I have a large box of wintery stuff that I hope I don’t need till Calgary.

 

   Here’s my office.  I like that I can open the blinds and window and look outside.  Pretend I’m a real writer.  That reminds me.  On one of our walks we passed this old house that was beautifully restored on the outside and I could only dream that the inside was immaculate too.  I gazed up at the small windows on the second story to see this man sitting sideways, probably at a desk, really close to the window, and he was looking down on the street and us.  It felt like a Stephen King moment.  Maybe he was writing about this small town and all the weird folks that walked by.  And he was chained to his bed.  (I didn’t see that but maybe)

 

August has been really really hot.  We probably notice it more because we don’t have the A/C right now.  I remember when we moved here and were looking at homes when it was blazing hot.  It was the first thing we added to our ‘need’ list in a house.  Now we just spend a lot more time outside going on walks for coffee on patios, ice-cream on the corner, or around the golf course and up to the lake.  The windows are open wide at night and all the fans are blowing.  I know that soon enough I’ll have forgotten what the heat felt light as we debate turning the furnace on. 

 

 

 

Well, back to the Corn & Apple Festival which ends this months’ journal.  I don’t feel too bad leaving with the festival still going as it is raining and we are feeling damp throughout.  I think we are tired of the humidity and need the Alberta dryness for a bit.  Or it could be this old house and the mold I hope is not growing here.  We are leaving for Calgary tomorrow (Sunday) in high hopes of finding a house.  The challenge is on as I hope we find one in Calgary and Greg hopes to find one in Airdrie.  We’ll see who wins. 

 

By the way, George Canyon was an absolutely fantastic entertainer!  I was truly surprised how he involved all ages and was a real easy guy to like.

 

That’s all I got for now.  I know I’m posting this sounding like it’s actually the end of August, but I have to try.

 

Not long before September’s Journal.

Journaling July (2008-2014 in pictures)

 

July basically consisted of preparing our move from this house where we spent 7 years,

to a 900 sq ft rental home for 3 months, to our destination of Calgary, Alberta.

I'd like to follow with a post on our home on the inside. 

Some features I'd re-do, some I'd improve upon.

For today, I posted just the yard.

 

2008

 

 

 

 

 2009

 

 

 

2010

 

2011

 

 

 

 

  

2012

 

 2013

 

2014